Blonde


A blonde goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk “I need to buy some deodorant for my husband.” “Does he use the ball kind?” inquired the clerk. “No,” replied the blonde, “the kind for under his arms.”
* * *
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she’d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: “Do you know where you were going?”
Blonde: “No, but wherever it is, it must be bad ’cause all the people were leaving.”
* * *
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend “Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I’ll sink?”
* * *
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!”
Blonde#2: “Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!”
* * *
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia…
* * *
A blonde’s response to the comment “Think about it!” – “I don’t have to think, I’m blonde!”
* * *
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun – they just don’t remember who with.
* * *
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!” To this the other blonde replied “I know it and if I knew how to swim I’d go out there and drown her.”
* * *
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: “We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.”
Operator: “Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?”
Blonde: “Yes.”
Operator: “The power in the house in on?”
Blonde: “Of course.”
Operator: “And the switch is on?”
Blonde: “Yes, yes.”
Operator: “And the bulb still won’t light up?”
Blonde: “No, it’s working fine.”
Operator: “Then what’s the problem?”
Blonde: “We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves. “
* * *
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”
Bartender:”What is a B and C?”
Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”
Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”
Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”
Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”
Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”
Bartender: “What’s a 15?”
Blonde: “7 and 7”
* * *
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children.
1st brunette: “I just know I’m going to have a girl, ‘cuz I conceived while I was on my back”.
2nd brunette: “Mine’s going to be a boy, ‘cuz I was on top during conception”.
Blonde: “Uh-oh! I’m going to have a puppy!”
* * *
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively “How do you give shoulders?”
* * *
Teller: “Why did the blonde move to L.A.?”
Blonde: “I don’t know. Why?”
Teller: “It was easier to spell.”
Blonde: “Easier than what?”
* * *
A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord – nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells “Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”
* * *
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself “Oh, well!” and turned around an drove home.
On her way home she drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”. By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
* * *
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly “Awww, look at the dead birdie”. The blonde stops, looks up and says “Where?”
* * *
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn’t know how to cook them.
* * *
What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.
* * *
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it and yelled out “Green side up!” In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “Green side up!” The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “Green side up!” The lady asked him “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?” “I’m sorry,” came the reply, “but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
* * *
A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
Cop: “Miss, may I see your driver’s licence please?”
Blonde: “Driver’s licence? What’s that?…”
Cop: “It’s a little card with your picture on it.”
Blonde: “Oh, duh! Here it is…”
Cop: “May I have your car insurance?”
Blonde: “What’s that?…”
Cop: “It’s a document that says you are allowed to drive the car.”
Blonde: “Oh, this? Duh! Here you go…”
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:”Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!”
* * *
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.
Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That’s nothing, last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s